Usually I keep arguments between me and the ones I love between me and the ones that i love *but* in this case I'm going to open the floor up to the rest of you, because I love you all - and I know I might not be seeing things with a completely unprejudiced eye.

You all know my daughter - or at least know of her... Hey Imp!

Well, yesterday we got ourselves into a bit of a snit. Kiddo wants to quit taking dance. She's tired of it, and she's not enjoying it anymore. Her grandpa is willing to let her quit, but only if she'll take up some kind of sports or something. Translation: he doesn't want her to quit dancing and sit around on her butt all the time.

Now, I get this. I'm also fine with her quitting dancing if she's not enjoying it anymore. But - like her grandfather - I think she ought to be taking *something* to replace it. The town she lives in is tiny. There's not a lot offered. That's part of the problem. The other part of it is that my kiddo seems to think she doesn't have the coordination for any kind of sport, nor the interest.

I *am* sympathetic. I remember feeling just that way - but there's more to it. I hate that she thinks she can't succeed at it - particularly since she hasn't tried. I also worry about her getting bored, and getting out of shape. I know firsthand how hard life is when you're overweight and out of shape - and I know how easy it is to get that way.

Add into the mix the fact that yes, it *is* a small town, and there isn't a lot to do that won't get a kid into trouble and - I understand why my dad wants her to have things to occupy herself with. Now me - I think the Imp has a pretty good head on her shoulders. I'm *not* terribly worried about her getting into trouble.. but I can certainly understand my dad's point of view, too. His job is dealing with kids who are in trouble, and it's a concern for him. For myself, I want her to stay active and healthy, and I don't want her thinking that she's incapable of something without at least giving it a shot.

So - what do you guys think? And yes, kiddo - I know you can see this. Put your point of view up here too. And remember that I love you - even when we *aren't* agreeing on everything.

I am feeling pleasantly accomplished this morning. Got the corn muffins made and in the oven. Later this afternoon I'll put the ham in there. And then I am making corn and oyster casserole - *so* good. I contemplated making bread, however I can't seem to locate my measuring spoons. Making the corn muffins involved an uncomfortable amount of guesswork - but I think I got it close enough to right.

Mental note: fiddlersgreen and I need to have a wee discussion about respective heights and the placement of baking ingredients on the shelves. I AM SHORT.:D

It's been months. I haven't posted here, and I haven't been on any of my usual online hangouts. It's not as if I don't miss my friends. Hell - it's not like I don't love you guys, or like I don't want RP or talking, or any of that. I do. I miss everyone. I think about you guys all the time. I just - I don't want to say I can't be bothered. That sounds dismissive, and it isn't true.

But I can't be. I can't be bothered about anything. I sit at home, and I play WoW, or I hang out with fiddlersgreen or hopperuk . Or I read. I go to work. I sleep a lot. Most days I'm something pretty close to normal. I laugh at my co-workers when they tell me horrible work stories. I tell horrible work stories of my own. I don't think about mom, or the shit that's happened. I don't look at the little urn on my shelf, or the fact that that's as close as I'm coming to being around her again.

I just can't get anywhere. There are things I want to do, things I know I should be doing - and I can't be bothered. By the time I think to do them, it's too late. So... next time. Except next time never comes. I find another reason to push it off. I don't want to talk t anyone. I don't want to be serious. I don't want to think about the things that hurt. So I don't. I play another couple hours of WoW, go to a movie, I keep on keeping on.

I used to think that as long as I could keep moving, things would eventually be fine. One foot in front of the other, and you can walk your way through anything. Somewhere, I stepped on a treadmill, and now I'm walking in place.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry I vanished on everyone. I'm sorry that I'm still not talking, and I'm still hiding. I wish I could say this is my way back to you guys, my way out of this.. whatever it is I've found myself in - but I can't. Maybe it's a step towards that, though. If I can talk here, figure shit out *here*, then maybe I'll be able to do it around people that matter to me. I hpoe so - cause Im getting really tired of going nowhere on my own.

I have eight months before everything shifts into whatever direction things will be going into next. It's odd for me - it feels at once spontaneous and... lagged. Very, very lagged.

On the one hand - I am really glad that Jeremy and I have managed to do this as well as we have. We're still friends. That's important to me. We began all of this as friends many years ago. We remained friends throughout our relationship. We'll be friends when this is all over. I want that very much. He's a great guy. I like to think I'm a pretty awesome lady. We're just not the *right* great guy and awesome lady for each other.

But we're managing to do this with the least harm to each other. And that amazes me, in very good ways. I'll be staying in the apartment through the end of June. In July I'm going to England for a month. When I get back, hopefully I will have some idea of where I'm going next. If I haven't figured that out *before* I leave.

In the meantime, I have a ton of stuff to go through. The goal is to jettison as much crap as possible, both possession-wise and mentally and emotionally. If this is to be a new start for me, I want to get it going the right way - with as little baggage as possible. Which means going through a metric ton of crap. Most of it books - maybe I can sell some of those to add to the "lets not be homeless, shall we?' fund. Cause being homeless sucks, unless you choose it.

God. So much to do. Eight months is looking kinda short right at the moment.

So - despite believing I would have a night of awesome stupid, Halloween was actually pretty tame, and rather disappointing. It was slow - I've had weeknight overnights that were busier and weirder than Halloween. There were a few cute costumes, and one completely awesome costume, but overall - slow. Boring.

Until about four in the morning when toothache kicked in. This tooth has been bothering me off and on for months - but never to this level. More to the "take a few ibuprofen and it goes away" level. Given my poverty and my paranoia about dentists and it was easy to ignore. Until this morning. Some 6000 milligrams of Ibuprofen later and I am still in pain. I go home. Lay down. Can't sleep, cause I'm too busy curling into a ball around my face and whimpering.

So - instead of sleeping I went to the dentist. Apparently the *root* was infected. And because of which tooth it was, and the fact that it was in bad shape.. I now have one less tooth than I had yesterday.

On the other hand - I have much less pain. So I am not complaining much.

I've got the double today. 2 PM today to 6 AM tomorrow. Actually, the way things usually work - probably around 7 or 8 AM tomorrow. I'm not terribly fond of doubles but - it's Halloween. We're right down the street from the University. I am expecting awesome stupid tonight. I just wish I had a camera so I could take pics to show everyone. Must remember to get one of those soon. I can't go back to England without one, and there are a lot of things around here I want pictures of.

Like the Mary Tyler Moore statue. Wait until the sun is going down and the city lights are all turning on - she looks so *creepy*.

Spent most of this morning trying to level up one of my characters on CoH and looking for historical resources for Georgian England. Time to hit the bookstore again. Oh damn.